Why Travel? Ask the Earl of Oxford

Edward_de_Vere,_17th_Earl_of_Oxford_-_Project_Gutenberg_eText_13403

Maybe you travel for the challenge, or just for the hell of it. Or to learn about other cultures, or yourself. Or try out a language you learned in night school. Or see the cities where your favourite movies were set. Perhaps you want to escape a humdrum life, or recover from burnout, or salve a midlife crisis. You might want to put off the need to grow up, get a job and start talking at length about house prices.

Or else you had an accident in front of the Queen like the 17th Earl of Oxford. As Aubrey told the story in Brief Lives, with his spelling and capitalisation preserved:

 “making of his low obeisance to Queen Elizabeth, happened to let a Fart, at which he was so abashed and ashamed that he went to Travell, 7 yeares. On his returne the Queen welcomed him home, and sayd, My Lord, I had forgott the Fart”.

Bruschetta: Ready before the Ready Meal

Why have ready meals when you can have bruschetta?

Dice a few tomatoes, chiffonade (slice into microfine strips) or chop a handful of basil leaves, throw both in a bowl with a glug of olive oil, a pinch of salt and a few twists of black pepper and gently toss. Then heat a grill or griddle pan, slice up a rustic loaf and grill/griddle the bread for a minute or so each side, rub one side with half a garlic clove and top with the tomato and basil.

At least as quick as microwaving some depressing “Mediterranean-style chicken” concoction from the supermarket.

Dressing Appropriately

There is no excuse not to make your own vinaigrette. A splash of wine vinegar, a pinch of salt, a twist of pepper, a dollop of mustard; whisk together. Three glugs of olive oil; whisk again to emulsify. A two minute job, and much better than the stuff you get in bottles with mysterious things floating in it.

Don’t drown the poor salad like they do in cheap restaurants: you only want enough to cling to the leaves and flavour them. About a tablespoon-full should be enough for a portion, depending on the leaves you use and how greedy the portion. Put the dressing in the bowl first, then add the salad and toss. Add a drop more if it needs it and toss again.

(c) Richard Senior 2014

Stunt driving day: a snapshot

An old Sierra, a disused runway, a bitter cold winter’s day. Into reverse, foot down, gearbox howling. Dump the accelerator. Fling the steering wheel round to the right, clutch down, into neutral. The front whips round, the tyres scream in protest. Smoke and gravel; melting rubber. Clutch in again, first gear, straighten up, drop the clutch, paint black lines on the surface.

Second gear, third. Haul the wheel over again, jerk the handbrake up, flick the back end round. I knew how to do these already. I taught myself long before I had my first driving lesson, at 15 in a Mini I bought for twenty quid. I have grown up a little bit since then…but not too much.

(c) Richard Senior 2014

Going Solo

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Fancy going up on your own?”

“Oh. Err. Yeah. I guess…”

Right,” said my instructor, “well I’ll go and get a coffee and I’ll see you when you get back”.

This is a change of detail,” he told the tower over the radio. “Captain’s name is Senior. First solo”. He threw off his headset, shut the door behind him and waved, as if I had driven him down to the station.

Oh shit.

Though I had been flying okay for the past few lessons, I still made mistakes and some of them seemed pretty serious to me. I wasn’t sure I would ever be fit to take charge of an aeroplane. But I was sure I wasn’t yet. The spring sunshine started to feel hot in the cockpit and each exhalation growled into the microphone.

GolfEchoZulureadyfordeparture,” I gabbled.

Golf Echo Zulu. Take off at your discretion.”

First stage of flaps. Yank the lever between the seats until it clicks once. Squeeze and drop the brake.

TakingoffnowGolfEchoZulu.”

I roll forward onto the runway, expecting all the time that someone will run out, shouting, angry.  “Oi, what the fuck do you think you’re doing!? Where’s your instructor?”

Boot the rudder pedal to bring the nose round to the centreline, straighten up and slam the throttle forward. The plane bumps along the runway, the engine roaring over the headphones. The torque wants to pull it off into the grass, but I fight against it with the rudder. It is lighter than normal with just me in the cockpit, and anxious to get in the air. Sixty knots, equivalent to motorway speed. Start easing the yoke back. The nosewheel lifts, the rear wheels follow. Lower the nose to climb at 80 knots.

GCEEZ

The nerves have gone now. I have done this dozens of times with my instructor in the right-hand seat. I know what I am doing. Release the flaps. Wind the trimwheel a couple of turns to hold the airspeed. Then bank the wings to 30 degrees, turning south towards London.  Straighten up, still climbing. Canary Wharf, the Gherkin and Wembley Stadium shimmer in the haze. The needle is creeping to 1,000 ft now, circuit height. Lower the nose, trim for 100 knots, then bank to the right again and fly parallel to the runway.

Run through the checks, brakes, undercarriage, mixture, fuel, instruments, carb heat, harnesses, hatches. Call the tower:

“Golf Echo Zulu. Downwind.”

“Golf Echo Zulu. Report Finals.”

“Wilco.”

Something flashes past, low and fast. Shit, what was that? It was just a bird doing 100 knots, or rather me doing 100 knots away from it.

Level with the end of the runway now, looking over my shoulder as it slides under the wing then emerges again behind it. Quick look to the left for traffic, then bank to the right, heading north. Kill the throttle. Let the airspeed fall. Trim. Pull the flap lever up one click, then another. Raise the nose until the airspeed falls to 75 knots. Trim again

Bank to the right, bring the nose into line with the runway, then level the wings. Another click on the flap lever. Call the tower:

“Golf Echo Zulu. Finals.”

“Golf Echo Zulu. Land your discretion. Surface wind calm.”

“GolfEchoZulu.”

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Lower the nose! Add power!

The airspeed was hovering around the stalling point, the speed at which the wings stop working and the plane drops out of the sky. Stall at altitude and you can dive to pick the airspeed back up. Stall close to the ground and you crash and die and are on the front page of the local paper.

But it is okay again now and I am sinking right on to the number at the end of the runway. I shift my gaze to the other end and pull the yoke gently back. Floating, floating, floating. Yoke right back now, stopping it landing for as long as I can. Still floating.  Halfway down the runway the back wheels touch the tarmac with a slight squeak but no bump. The nosewheel follows and kisses the ground and I am hard on the brakes and calling for permission to taxi to park.

A good landing, they say, is one you walk away from, but this was one of my best.

(c) Richard Senior 2014

Echo Zulu image with permission and (c) Nicholas Economou Photo